Unexpected Criminal “To Do” List
A 25-year-old Boston man was arrested this week for apparently committing several serious crimes. Reportedly, the man had been going door-to-door in a Weymouth, MA neighborhood, claiming to be gathering information about opening a marijuana dispensary; along the way, the man broke into at least one home and stole insulin “from a UPS package.” As if that weren’t bizarre enough, authorities found a criminal “to-do” list with activities like “finding crystal meth and coke, getting a gold watch, robbing a drug dealer, selling drugs, and doing one altruistic act for a stranger.” Sounds like a real sweetheart.
Jail Time Family Reunion
A routine drunk driving stop became a family affair in Toronto this week. According to reports, police pulled over a 27-year-old speeder and, after he failed a roadside screening test, arrested him for driving while impaired. Shortly thereafter, the man called his mother and asked her to pick him up from jail; when she arrived, however, police smelled alcohol on her breath and asked her to take a breathalyzer test (which, predictably enough, she failed). Both are due in court next month, where they will presumably—though not definitely—be sober.
Lobster On The Run
The infamous lobster thief of Duluth, MN has been at it again. Duluth authorities were alerted early last Wednesday when a lobster was stolen from the local Red Lobster restaurant. Soon thereafter, an officer stopped a man “walking with a lobster in a plastic bag” and detained him. After issuing him a ticket for trespassing and misdemeanor theft, the officer checked the man’s records and found that this was not his first lobster-related offense; apparently, reports showed that the man had been convicted of lobster theft last year in a case in which “the lobster was never recovered.” Thankfully, this most recent lobster was found before any harm could be done, and it was returned to the restaurant (where it was assumedly maimed, killed and eaten).
Punxsutawney Phil’s Last Appearance
The town of Punxsutawney appears to be growing tired of its most famous resident. When Punxsutawney Phil—the groundhog immortalized in the classic 1990’s film starring Bill Murray—failed to see his shadow on February 2nd, he may have exposed himself as an amateur for the last time. Prosecutors have filed charges of “misrepresentation of spring” against the groundhog, claiming that the promise of an early spring was a premeditated lie on Phil’s part. With temperatures still hovering around frigid in Ohio, the hearts of prosecutors are ice-cold as they pursue the death penalty against their former furry friend. Phil was not available for comment.
If you’ve got a funny crime story, submit it below. Or, if your particular crime story isn’t all that funny, give us a call. At Freedom Bail Bonds, we treat each client with a respectful, judgment-free attitude to ensure a stress-free bail bond experience, and we’ll have you back out and laughing in no time.
